Being in limbo in life is something I am getting used to. I haven’t had much of a choice – ever. Sometimes it’s due to me making bad choices, but more often it’s because I was connected to people who held me back and controlled my life. I’m learning to be my own person, which means I take responsibility for my life now. After growing up with uncaring parents and then marrying a narcissistic husband, I kept waiting for life to get good. It’s what kept me going. The prospect of something better coming in the future helped me cope with my busy, unfulfilling life. But guess what… the future held unimaginable hardship, not something better.
So live in the present, right? I try to make the best of my situations and live each day like a machine that winds up and goes to work. Rest comes each night, thankfully. I am resilient and I know it. I’ve been through worse. I don’t’ know what’s coming down the road, and it could be good.
I’m doing my best to make the next new phase of my life a good one. I don’t plan on it, just work towards it. One day at a time. There are good changes that have come out of the move. At the top of that list is the fact that my life-crushing bills have gone away. I no longer pay a big mortgage payment, have horrendous oil heating bills, or large home-improvement expenses. I also no longer have a home of my own. So there is good and bad, but having some extra money is a very good thing. It’s something I haven’t had in many years.
To ward off depression and anxiety I know I have to keep eating right. Where I now live, there is no way to get any exercise (no gardening, no going for walks), so I have bought a treadmill. It arrives this week, and once I get it put together, I believe I will be on my way to better health and clearer thinking.
Once I get my car’s title, and get it registered and have a new license, I can buy a beach pass and head to the coast once or twice a week. I want to get a cruiser bike too. It’s in the works, but for now I am in limbo.